The Phillie Phanatic. Mandatory Credit: Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports
Please win this week, Padres. For my sake.
The Pads will take on the Phillies and Mets this week. They must win both of these series. These are two of the four worst teams that the Friars will play in the National League this year. Tonight they will face A.J. Burnett, the 37-year-old, with the 1.51 WHIP and 4.41 ERA. Tomorrow it’s Kyle Kendrick, who has a 1-6 record, and then Andrew Cashner will go against Cole Hamels in what should be an excellent matchup.
The Mets will put Bartolo Colon on the hill at the start of the weekend series. Colon is 91-years-old and weighs 400 pounds. Seriously, look at this picture of him. If someone told you he were 65, would you even bat an eye? How can the Padres not crush this guy? Next up is Zack Wheeler, young and talented, but with only a 2-5 record and 3.89 ERA, and then Dice-K. Yup, you read that right. He’s not MIA, he’s playing for the Mets, which is almost the same thing these days. He’s been pitching out of the bullpen, but has made a couple of spot starts the past two weeks, and will face Ian Kennedy on Sunday.
But it’s not just that this is a good opportunity for the Pads to beat up on some lousy teams. I have a personal interest in these two series. My best friends are Phillies and Mets fans. So if the Padres don’t take two of three in either series, I’ll be wearing a Phillies or Mets cap to my next Padres game, and cheering with an east coast accent. “Ahright ahready, Cahlos, let’s get somethin started heah! No one-two-tree innins.”
It’ll be worse for them when the Padres do win. They’ll have to say the word “the” in front of highway numbers for a month. “Yeah, I took the 95 to the 84.” That sounds ridiculous to east coasters.