Promotions I Wanna See In 2013

The Padres have not announced their promotional schedule for 2013, but I am hoping for some exciting new promotions. The Padres promos were substandard at best in 2012. As stupid as it sounds, promotions are a great, fun way to get fans out to the ballpark. Minor league parks come up with great promotions and I thought it would be fun to come with some ideas to attract y’all to the ballpark. The marketing staff for the Padres can thank me later.

Steroid Night: In honor of Yasmani Grandal’s 50 game suspension, the Padres can cash in on his stupidity. Instead of dwelling on the negative, we will celebrate the events. The give away that night will be a Grandal Pez dispensers. Grandal will have a needle protruding from his backside. The candy will resemble steroid pills. Fun for the whole family.

Hipster Night: We live in San Diego and these interesting folks are all around us. Stupid facial hair, terrible indie music, dumb hats. Let us all embrace this weird subculture. Everyone wearing a douchey mustache gets a deal on a ticket. The Padres can find some terrible bands to play a show after the game.

September 22, 2012; San Francisco, CA, USA; San Diego Padres third baseman Chase Headley (7) throws the ball to first base during the fifth inning against the San Francisco Giants at AT

Bobbleheads: My number one complaint last year was that were no bobbleheads. I love them! 2010 offered several, and there were none last year. How about 4 or 5 bobblehead nights. A Chase Headley bobblehead to celebrate his Silver Slugger and Gold Glove awards? A Chris Denorfia doll making a stupid cool diving catch. Give me my bobbleheads, dag nabit!

T-Shirts: Kansas City does T-shirt Tuesdays, which I think is a great idea. The Padres could take this to the next level by allowing fans to submit their designs. I know a few great artists and it would be amazing to allow them to showcase their talents. Give the winners some free tickets or something.

Arm Sling Night: The Padres have had a rash of pitchers requiring surgery. It has been mighty depressing, however, arm sling night will be a fun promotion. Not only will it keep your arm warm, but you can look just like fallen pitchers Cory Luebke and Joe Wieland. Come back, guys!

Hunting Knife Night: Let’s honor Padres right-hander and redneck Andrew Cashner will be honored with replica hunting knives, celebrating the dopey fireballer who sliced a tendon on his finger “dressing” a deer. If you come in to the ballpark with a gaping, bleeding wound from your hand, you get a left field reserved ticket for just 71 cents! (Cashner’s IQ, probably).

These are just a few of my ideas. Think you can do better? Hit it up in the comments.